Click the link below the photo to see more information regarding my fundraiser. I am hoping to reach $1,000 so I can return to Romania. Hope Center

Romania Mission trip fundraiser

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Chiselet, Romania

Chiselet, Romania

During a church service last year in Romania I decided to take a walk through the small gypsy village of Chiselet located in the south near the Danube. The preacher was speaking in German and I just wasn’t getting it. I love Chiselet. I dream of someday having a home there to house girls and woman who need help, love, and support. My fight against cancer has been full of pain (of ALL sorts), heartbreak, discouragement, rejection, condemnation, and HOPE. I’m going to hold on to hope and discard the rest. I’m going to hold on to that and the Truth of God’s word so that I may fulfill His perfect plan for my life. I’m going to win because I will not die but live TO PROCLAIM THE WORKS OF THE LORD.

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He heals me…Yes

I love studying the word of God.  But I do have to admit, my study has been quite scarce lately.  There’s so much to do with working, juicing, sleeping, juicing, working,…and on and on.  Yesterday I made the time to ride my bike to my favorite train bridge in the country.   I never did get to see a train at this sitting, but I did read a lot of bible.  It was a very good day.

Just now I created a list of scriptures I’m going to stand on throughout my healing journey.  Of course, I will stand on the whole word, but I wanted to print out some scriptures to have on me.  I thought I’d share this list with you.   I’ll also share a picture of one of my trains from a previous visit to this very special place where I come to meet with the Lord.

O Lord, rebuke me not in Your anger nor discipline and chasten me in Your hot displeasure. Have mercy on me and be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am weak (faint and withered away); O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled. My [inner] self [as well as my body] is also exceedingly disturbed and troubled. But You, O Lord, how long [until You return and speak peace to me]?  Psalm 6

I will extol You, O Lord, for You have lifted me up and have not let my foes rejoice over me. O Lord my God, I cried to You and You have healed me. O Lord, You have brought my life up from Sheol (the place of the dead); You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit (the grave).  Psalm 30

36 Incline my heart to Your testimonies and not to covetousness (robbery, sensuality, unworthy riches). 37 Turn away my eyes from beholding vanity (idols and idolatry); and restore me to vigorous life and health in Your ways. 38 Establish Your word and confirm Your promise to Your servant, which is for those who reverently fear and devotedly worship You.  Psalm 119

Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil. It shall be health to your nerves and sinews, and marrow and moistening to your bones.  Proverbs 3

30 A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones.  Proverbs 14

24 Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body.  Proverbs 16

15 But what can I say? For He has both spoken to me and He Himself has done it. I must go softly [as in solemn procession] all my years and my sleep has fled because of the bitterness of my soul. 16 O Lord, by these things men live; and in all these is the life of my spirit. O give me back my health and make me live! 17 Behold, it was for my peace that I had intense bitterness; but You have loved back my life from the pit of corruption and nothingness, for You have cast all my sins behind Your back.  Isaiah 38

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole. Isaiah 53:5

He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed.  1 Peter 2:24

Then shall your light break forth like the morning, and your healing (your restoration and the power of a new life) shall spring forth speedily; your righteousness (your rightness, your justice, and your right relationship with God) shall go before you [conducting you to peace and prosperity], and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.  Isaiah 58:8

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed;save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.  Jeremiah 17:14

But unto you who revere and worshipfully fear My name shall the Sun of Righteousness arise with healing in His wings and His beams, and you shall go forth and gambol like calves [released] from the stall and leap for joy.  Malachi 4

When evening came, they brought to Him many who were under the power of demons, and He drove out the spirits with a word and restored to health all who were sick.  Matthew 8:16

For she kept saying to herself, If I only touch His garment, I shall be restored to health.  Matthew 9:21 …And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trustand confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease.  Mark 5:34

And all the multitude were seeking to touch Him, for healing power was all the while going forth from Him and curing them all [saving them from severe illnesses or calamities].  Luke 6:19

And He sent them out to announce and preach the kingdom of God and to bring healing…And departing, they went about from village to village, preaching the Gospel and restoring the afflicted to health everywhere… But when the crowds learned of it, they followed Him; and He welcomed them and talked to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed restoration to health. Luke 9:2, 6, 11

He is the Rock, His work is perfect, for all His ways are law and justice. A God of faithfulness without breach or deviation, just and right is He.  Deuteronomy 32:4

The Lord is my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer; my God, my keen and firm Strength in Whom I will trust and take refuge, my Shield, and the Horn of my salvation, my High Tower.  Psalm 18:2

For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; in the secret place of His tent will He hide me; He will set me high upon a rock.  Psalm 27:5

He drew me up out of a horrible pit [a pit of tumult and of destruction], out of the miry clay (froth and slime), and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings.  Psalm 40:2

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the Rock and firm Strength of my heart and my Portion forever.  Psalm 73:26

10 For though the mountains should depart and the hills be shaken or removed, yet My love and kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you….14 You shall establish yourself in righteousness (rightness, in conformity with God’s will and order): you shall be far from even the thought of oppression or destruction, for you shall not fear, and from terror, for it shall not come near you….17 But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This [peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord [those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced]; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me [this is that which I impart to them as their justification], says the Lord.   Isaiah 54

Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.  Isaiah 41:10


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My Rewarder, My God

‘But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him out.” (Hebrews 11:6)

Not all my posts will be about cancer. I feel a lot of people succumb to cancer’s destruction because they own it, they brag about it, they fundraise in hopes there will be a medical cure, and they pink-out in support of the breast cancer rip-off charities. Yuck. I can’t stand that stuff. I have better things to do and to spend my resources on. God is Healer, and people are curing their cancers daily with natural, non-toxic therapies. It’s been proven there’s a better way than cut, poison, burn. It just makes sense that we would not destroy our bodies for a chance to possibly get well enough to live a little longer. Compromised health, but at least still alive, right? Wrong.

I’ve been doing great with my eating habits and have already dropped three pounds since Friday. I’m keeping a food diary to share with my naturopath, and I’d have to say it looks quite impressive. I still have dark chocolate cravings, but dark chocolate can be healthy in the right form such as organic, non-GMO, and over 70% cocao. That’s not a typo. Cocao is the healthy chocolate, cocoa is more processed and sugary. I’ve been taking handfuls of supplements daily, and though I was apprehensive about taking all those things, I know that as I get healthier, the less I will have to take. I also recognize the benefits all these supplements have given me in my healing journey thus far. That is, real, whole food based, minimally processed supplements purchased through the natural health clinic. Centrum and all those other type of supplements are toxic and don’t contain actual nutrients that can be assimilated into your body.  You’re actually wasting money on them and possibly doing more harm than if you would spend a little more for the real stuff. I’ve done both and know the difference. 

That’s enough about health. In my battle for life, God is where I am setting my gaze and my hope. The Lord has been so great to me. I remember talking with a woman of God shortly after I was diagnosed. She gave me a word that made my hair stand on end: “You love the Lord and He is a rewarder of those who love Him.” I’ve read the bible many times over, but I had to ask if that was actually in there. I realized at that point that I have read Hebrews 11:6 many times, but I never believed it was for me. I’m not a perfect Christian and have done much to mess up my life by being disobedient to God. But, I say this with tears of endearment, I love Him so much. I’m not into the false grace message that has been hitting the modern church these days, but I do know that even in my imperfection, God is crazy about me. He’s crazy about you. This word doesn’t make me relax and continue in disobedience just because God is Love, but it convicts me to love Him more and keep Him as my First Love.

God does reward the faithful. He desires that we be about the Father’s business in building His Kingdom. When we set our eyes on Him and our purpose for living to serve Him, He rewards us.  I have such hope for a future of serving the Lord.  He has given me some visions and dreams to live out and the devil cannot thwart that plan. Lord “I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted” (Job 42:2). He has a perfect plan for each one of us, but we must seek Him out and stay in love with Him. God’s word for you and me: “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

Seek Him out. He loves you. Lord bless you!

Bugline sun

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Drugged up and Sick America

All week I have been anxious and fearful about my follow up appointment with the oncologist today.  I’m disgusted with myself for the way I have allowed my health to get out of control.  But I know we live in a system that sets us up for health disasters, and it seems that only the ones with really great genes can survive it.  Yes, my grandma died of metastatic breast cancer in her 30s, but that does not mean I HAD TO get it.  My poor lifestyle choices including stress and unresolved emotional issues most likely turned on that disposition to cancer.  I think a big part of my healing will come when I let that go and stop beating myself up for letting it get this far – incurable, as the medical world calls it.  “Nothing is impossible for God,” is the Truth.

I’ve had incessant, angry conversations in my head about confronting my oncologist about the poisonous Tamoxifen I am stuck on.  I wanted to be bold about TELLING him I will be weaned off of it.  I had just finished my Zometa infusion treatment  earlier in the week and felt that fueling the animosity within me over the destructive conventional cancer treatments.  Thanks to God, a close friend offered to come with me today and her quiet support was beautiful.  By the grace of God I  very calmly and respectfully threw it out there: “I would like to decrease my Tamoxifen.”  “To what?” the oncologist quickly retorted.  “Well, I know they have a 10 mg tablet.  Can I have that?”  The entire atmosphere changed and my oncologist appeared hostile.  He was swift to say he does not recommend it and we continued in a lengthy discussion about.  I probably should not have told him I already asked the pharmacist if it was possible to cut the 20 mg pills in half (yep, she asked me why I wanted to do that).  Matter of fact, I was told that when I do cut them in half to make sure nobody else comes into contact with even the slightest amount of the dust from the cut pill.   What?!?  And I am taking this poison?!?  If you are being told you have to go on Tamoxifen, please do a ton of research.  You don’t have to hurry up and start popping the pills as soon as your doctor tells you you have to take it.  Do your research.  I am completely convinced there is a better way to address all your issues relative to a cancer diagnosis, but it will take hard work and discipline.  Most don’t want to change and are more comfortable just having the doctor do whatever he desires to “help” them.  Keep in mind that cancer is mostly a lifestyle thing, not a random genetic thing.  You CAN avoid it.  You CAN prevent it.  And you CAN do something to completely defeat it.

I picked up my current monthly drug supply for both the cancer and my allergy/asthma problem.  My insurance pays 100%  How nice.  I added up the total minus the fast-acting inhaler and realized my drug dependency costs $529.69 a month!  And that’s not even including all the cancer treatment which I am sure is in the hundred thousand dollar range.  America does not have a healthcare crisis, it has a health crisis.  We are not receiving healthcare no matter how great our insurance is, we are receiving SICKcare and need to address the root issue of our crisis.  We, not the medical professionals, are responsible for our own healthcare.  It’s time we wake up and get off drugs.

It will probably take me a year to very cautiously wean off the Tamoxifen, but I want to do it right.  It’s such a horrible drug that should not be experimented on people.  And I know I don’t need the asthma drugs.  I believe my body has just become dependent on them, so that is another wean project coming up.  I have made a lot of changes in my lifestyle such as juicing, staying away from processed foods and refined sugar, eating whole foods, exercising daily, and supplementing.  I’ve already had my Advair inhaler reduced to the lowest dose since making these changes and my allergies are no longer a snot-extreme, debilitating mess.   I’ve suffered for 20 years with candida because my allergist put me on continual dosages of antibiotics.   Drugs are not the answer.

I’m not doing this apart from the Wisdom of God.  I KNOW God did not create drugs as some scientifically advanced new method for Him to heal.  “As for God, His way is perfect! The word of the Lord is tested and tried; He is a shield to all those who take refuge and put their trust in Him” (Psalm 18:30).  Think about all the costs and side effects of medication.  Do you really think this is God’s “modern” way of healing, as if Him just speaking the Word and healing someone is no longer good enough?  I have filed bankruptcy in the past because I couldn’t pay the $27,000 in medical costs I incurred for sinus surgery and other related issues (and I had insurance at that time!).  That’s not the perfect way of God.  Tamoxifen causes uterine cancer (among other things).  Why would God use a toxic drug to “heal” someone (maybe) and give them another cancer with his scientific creation?

Next time you pick up your monthly supply of drugs, add up how much they costed (someone).  And thoroughly read the side effects.  Then ask yourself if this is God’s perfect plan for your life.  How do your drugs make you feel?  Are you cured or just putting a band aid on the symptoms.  I’m for a drug-free America.


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I shall not die

I shall not die

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I shall not die

I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.” — Psalm 118:17

This is the word the Lord gave me that day in August 2011, when I was diagnosed with stage 4, incurable breast cancer.  I was numb, but I knew I could trust my All in All God Who has never failed me.  I recall that moment when I stood alone in my living room wondering, “Now what?”  The voice of the Lord cut through my thoughts and told me this was the beginning of my healing ministry.  I’m still trying to grasp that concept, but I will trust in the Lord.

I shared this moment I experienced with many Christians.  Only a couple came into agreement with the Word I received.  Others immediately began to work against God’s word and convince me that I needed to face reality.  They would even pray such anti-biblical sentiments such as: “Lord, heal her here on earth or after she is gone.”  Those who attempted to slap me in the face with reality always used their human experience as “proof” that I would probably die and God will be glorified.  This takes absolutely no faith at all, and without faith it is impossible to please God.  I will get more into this in another message later on.

I had to make up my mind that I was going to listen to the Lord which also meant cutting off some well-intentioned, well-loved friends.  This is a life or death situation, and if someone is not for me and refuses to recognize the Lord’s presence in my life, I have to limit time with them or completely disconnect.  I agree that human experience includes many of our loved ones – even faithful Christians – dying of disease, but that does not mean it was God’s perfect will.  He loved them the same and welcomed them home, but it is satan who has come to “steal, kill and destroy.”  The Lord healed everyone who came to Him, and if someone He loved and knew well died, He raised them from death.  I am highly esteemed by the Lord and I KNOW His perfect will is to heal me and I shall not die from this disease. 

I have very little support, which has made this journey quite challenging.  I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken to the Lord about just giving up and being with Him.  Everyone I have heard or read testimony about overcoming cancer has given much credit to their spouse, friends, or family.  I have had to walk away from my private pity party and realize I have the best support ever…..GOD.  I’m not alone.  And I will overcome with Him by my side.

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